Your life today is essentially the sum of your habits.

How in shape or out of shape you are? A result of your habits.

How happy or unhappy you are? A result of your habits.

How successful or unsuccessful you are? A result of your habits.

What you repeatedly do (i.e. what you spend time thinking about and doing each day) ultimately forms the person you are, the things you believe, and the personality that you portray.

But what if you want to improve? What if you want to form new habits? How would you go about it?

Turns out, there’s a helpful framework that can make it easier to stick to new habits so that you can improve your health, your work, and your life in general.

Let’s talk about that framework now…

The Science of How Habits Work

The process of building a habit can be divided into four simple steps: cue, craving, response, and reward.Breaking it down into these fundamental parts can help us understand what a habit is, how it works, and how to improve it.

This four-step pattern is the backbone of every habit, and your brain runs through these steps in the same order each time.

First, there is the cue. The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior. It is a bit of information that predicts a reward. Our prehistoric ancestors were paying attention to cues that signaled the location of primary rewards like food, water, and sex. Today, we spend most of our time learning cues that predict secondary rewards like money and fame, power and status, praise and approval, love and friendship, or a sense of personal satisfaction. (Of course, these pursuits also indirectly improve our odds of survival and reproduction, which is the deeper motive behind everything we do.)

Your mind is continuously analyzing your internal and external environment for hints of where rewards are located. Because the cue is the first indication that we’re close to a reward, it naturally leads to a craving.

Cravings are the second step of the habit loop, and they are the motivational force behind every habit. Without some level of motivation or desire—without craving a change—we have no reason to act. What you crave is not the habit itself but the change in state it delivers. You do not crave smoking a cigarette, you crave the feeling of relief it provides. You are not motivated by brushing your teeth but rather by the feeling of a clean mouth. You do not want to turn on the television, you want to be entertained. Every craving is linked to a desire to change your internal state. This is an important point that we will discuss in detail later.

Cravings differ from person to person. In theory, any piece of information could trigger a craving, but in practice, people are not motivated by the same cues. For a gambler, the sound of slot machines can be a potent trigger that sparks an intense wave of desire. For someone who rarely gambles, the jingles and chimes of the casino are just background noise. Cues are meaningless until they are interpreted. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the observer are what transform a cue into a craving.

The third step is the response. The response is the actual habit you perform, which can take the form of a thought or an action. Whether a response occurs depends on how motivated you are and how much friction is associated with the behavior. If a particular action requires more physical or mental effort than you are willing to expend, then you won’t do it. Your response also depends on your ability. It sounds simple, but a habit can occur only if you are capable of doing it. If you want to dunk a basketball but can’t jump high enough to reach the hoop, well, you’re out of luck.

Finally, the response delivers a reward. Rewards are the end goal of every habit. The cue is about noticing the reward. The craving is about wanting the reward. The response is about obtaining the reward. We chase rewards because they serve two purposes: (1) they satisfy us and (2) they teach us.

The first purpose of rewards is to satisfy your craving. Yes, rewards provide benefits on their own. Food and water deliver the energy you need to survive. Getting a promotion brings more money and respect. Getting in shape improves your health and your dating prospects. But the more immediate benefit is that rewards satisfy your craving to eat or to gain status or to win approval. At least for a moment, rewards deliver contentment and relief from craving.

Second, rewards teach us which actions are worth remembering in the future. Your brain is a reward detector. As you go about your life, your sensory nervous system is continuously monitoring which actions satisfy your desires and deliver pleasure. Feelings of pleasure and disappointment are part of the feedback mechanism that helps your brain distinguish useful actions from useless ones.Rewards close the feedback loop and complete the habit cycle.

If a behavior is insufficient in any of the four stages, it will not become a habit. Eliminate the cue and your habit will never start. Reduce the craving and you won’t experience enough motivation to act. Make the behavior difficult and you won’t be able to do it. And if the reward fails to satisfy your desire, then you’ll have no reason to do it again in the future. Without the first three steps, a behavior will not occur. Without all four, a behavior will not be repeated.

In summary, the cue triggers a craving, which motivates a response, which provides a reward, which satisfies the craving and, ultimately, becomes associated with the cue. Together, these four steps form a neurological feedback loop—cue, craving, response, reward; cue, craving, response, reward—that ultimately allows you to create automatic habits.

We can split these four steps into two phases: the problem phase and the solution phase. The problem phase includes the cue and the craving, and it is when you realize that something needs to change. The solution phase includes the response and the reward, and it is when you take action and achieve the change you desire.

All behavior is driven by the desire to solve a problem. Sometimes the problem is that you notice something good and you want to obtain it. Sometimes the problem is that you are experiencing pain and you want to relieve it. Either way, the purpose of every habit is to solve the problems you face.

Let’s cover a few examples of what this looks like in real life.

This four-step process is not something that happens occasionally, but rather it is an endless feedback loop that is running and active during every moment you are alive—even now. The brain is continually scanning the environment, predicting what will happen next, trying out different responses, and learning from the results. The entire process is completed in a split second, and we use it again and again without realizing everything that has been packed into the previous moment.

Imagine walking into a dark room and flipping on the light switch. You have performed this simple habit so many times that it occurs without thinking. You proceed through all four stages in the fraction of a second. The urge to act strikes you without thinking.

By the time we become adults, we rarely notice the habits that are running our lives. Most of us never give a second thought to the fact that we tie the same shoe first each morning, or unplug the toaster after each use, or always change into comfortable clothes after getting home from work. After decades of mental programming, we automatically slip into these patterns of thinking and acting.

Where to Go From Here

We can transform these four steps into a practical framework that we can use to design good habits and eliminate bad ones.

I refer to this framework as the Four Laws of Behavior Change, and it provides a simple set of rules for creating good habits and breaking bad ones. You can think of each law as a lever that influences human behavior. When the levers are in the right positions, creating good habits is effortless. When they are in the wrong positions, it is nearly impossible.

We can invert these laws to learn how to break a bad habit.

Whenever you want to change your behavior, you can simply ask yourself:

1. How can I make it obvious?
2. How can I make it attractive?
3. How can I make it easy?
4. How can I make it satisfying?

It would be irresponsible for me to claim that these four laws are an exhaustive framework for changing any human behavior, but I think they’re close.

If you have ever wondered, “Why don’t I do what I say I’m going to do? Why don’t I lose the weight or stop smoking or save for retirement or start that side business? Why do I say something is important but never seem to make time for it?” The answers to those questions can be found somewhere in these four laws. The key to creating good habits and breaking bad ones is to understand these fundamental laws and how to alter them to your specifications. Every goal is doomed to fail if it goes against the grain of human nature.

Courtesy:Jamesclear.com

In the northeastern hills outside Kyoto, Japan there is a mountain known as Mount Hiei. That mountain is littered with unmarked graves.

Those graves mark the final resting place of the Tendai Buddhist monks who have failed to complete a quest known as the Kaihogyo.

What is this quest that kills so many of the monks? And what can you and I learn from it?

Keep reading and I’ll tell you.

The Marathon Monks

The Tendai monks believe that enlightenment can be achieved during your current life, but only through extreme self–denial.

For the Tendai, the ultimate act of self–denial — and the route to enlightenment — is a physical challenge known as the Kaihogyo. Because of this challenge, the Tendai are often called the “Marathon Monks.”

But the Kaihogyo is much more than a marathon.

The Kaihogyo

The Kaihogyo is a 1,000 day challenge that takes place over seven years.

If a monk chooses to undertake this challenge, this is what awaits him…

During Year 1, the monk must run 30 km per day (about 18 miles) for 100 straight days.

During Year 2, the monk must again run 30 km per day for 100 straight days.

During Year 3, the monk must once more run 30 km per day for 100 straight days.

During Year 4, the monk must run 30 km per day. This time for 200 straight days.

During Year 5, the monk must again run 30 km per day for 200 straight days. After completing the fifth year of running, the monk must go 9 consecutive days without food, water, or rest. Two monks stand beside him at all times to ensure that he does not fall asleep.

During Year 6, the monk must run 60 km (about 37 miles) per day for 100 straight days.

During Year 7, the monk must run 84 km (about 52 miles) per day for 100 straight days. (52 miles per day!) And then, he must run 30 km per day for the final 100 days.

The sheer volume of running is incredible, of course, but there is one final challenge that makes The Kaihogyo unlike any other feat…

Day 101

During the first 100 days of running, the monk is allowed to withdraw from the Kaihogyo.

However, from Day 101 onwards, there is no withdrawal. The monk must either complete the Kaihogyo … or take his own life.

Because of this, the monks carry a length of rope and a short sword at all times on their journey.

In the last 400+ years, only 46 men have completed the challenge. Many others can be found by their unmarked graves on the hills of Mount Hiei.

3 Lessons on Mental Toughness and Commitment

The mental toughness of the Marathon Monks is incredible and their feats are unlike most challenges that you and I will face. But, there are still many lessons we can learn from them.

1. “Complete or Kill.”

The Marathon Monks are an extreme version of the “complete or kill” mentality. But you can take the same approach to your goals, projects, and work.

If something is important to you, complete it. If not, kill it.

If you’re anything like me, then you probably have a bunch of half–finished, half–completed projects and ideas. You don’t need all of those loose ends.

Either something is important enough to you to complete, or it’s time to kill it. Fill your life with goals that are worth finishing and eliminate the rest.

2. If you commit to nothing, you’re distracted by everything.

Most of us never face a challenge with the true possibility of death, but we can learn a lot from the monk’s sense of commitment and conviction. They have clarified exactly what they are working toward and for seven years they organize their life around the goal of completing the Kaihogyo. Every possible distraction is rendered unimportant.

Do you think the monks get distracted by TV, movies, the internet, celebrity gossip, or any of the other things that we so often waste time on? Of course not.

If you choose, you can make a similar decision in your life. Sure, your daily goals may not carry the same sense of urgency as the Kaihogyo, but that doesn’t mean you can’t approach them with the same sense of conviction.

We all have things that we say are important to us. You might say that you want to lose weight or be a better parent or create work that matters or build a successful business or write a book — but do you make time for these goals above all else? Do your organize your day around accomplishing them?

If you commit to nothing, then you’ll find that it’s easy to be distracted by everything.

3. It doesn’t matter how long your goal will take, just get started.

On Day 101, the Tendai monks are thousands of miles and 900 days from their goal. They are setting out on a journey that is so long and so arduous that it’s almost impossible for you and I to imagine. And yet, they still accept the full challenge. Day after day, year after year, they work.

And seven years later, they finish.

Don’t let the length of your goals prevent you from starting on them.

Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
—H. Jackson Brown

What Makes You Different From the Marathon Monks

There is one very fortunate difference between you and the Tendai monks. You won’t die if you don’t reach your goal!

In the words of Seth Godin, you literally have the “privilege of being wrong.” You won’t die if you fail, you’ll only learn.

Furthermore, you can always change your mind. If you commit to a goal, work on it for a year, and decide that this isn’t actually what you wanted … guess what? You’re free to choose something else.

This should take a burden off of your shoulders! You don’t have to worry about committing to the right thing. If you’re debating between choices, just choose one. You can always adjust later on.

You have the opportunity to choose a goal that is important to you and the privilege of failing with very little consequence. Don’t waste that privilege.

Where to Go From Here

The biggest lesson that the Tendai monks offer for everyday people like you and me is the lesson of commitment and conviction.

Imagine the sense of commitment that the monk feels on Day 101. Imagine what it feels like to embrace the final 900 days of that challenge. Imagine what it feels like to accept a goal that is so important to you that you tell yourself, “I’m going to finish this or I will die trying.”

If you have something that is important to you, then eliminate the unrelated and unimportant tasks, get started no matter how big the challenge, and commit to your goal.

Every big challenge has a turning point. Today could be your Day 101. Today could be your Day of Commitment.

courtesy: Jamesclear.com

What do scorn, hate, anxiety, shame, and regret have in common?

According to David Hawkins, they may be killing us.

It’s no secret that our emotions can play a significant role in our mental and physical health. But Hawkins, a psychiatrist and lecturer, theorizes that what we feel on a daily basis is a matter of life and death — at least on the cellular level.

Hawkins’ theory is based on his recent finding that all emotions have a specific amount of energy. While Hawkins believes lower-energy emotions like anxiety and shame contribute to cell death, more positive states of mind like peace, joy, love, and reason can actually make us healthier.

Powerful as our emotions may be, here’s the good news: we’re not victims of the feelings that negatively affect our lives. Research on neuroplasticitydemonstrates that the human brain is more than capable of reorganizing itself.

But where do we start? How do we gain control of our emotions — and even leverage them to be stronger leaders and creatives?

Learning how to manage our emotions begins with a basic understanding of the brain.

The science of our emotions

Our brains are made up of two primary structures.

The limbic system controls our emotions and behavioral responses, triggering a sympathetic nervous system response when we’re under stress. This is part of the fight-or-flight reaction, the brain’s instinctive, physiological way of protecting us when it senses we’re in danger.

Have you ever felt nervous before a big presentation? You have the limbic system to thank for your sweaty palms and stomach butterflies. Ever been cut off by a reckless driver on the interstate? Your cheeks grow hot and your heart begins to race because your limbic system senses a threat. In short, the limbic system helps us survive.

The prefrontal cortex, on the other hand, is far more evolved. If someone’s ever told you to “use your head,” they’re probably referring to the prefrontal cortex, the conscious part of the brain that allows us to reason, delay gratification, and experience the meaning beneath our emotions.

While the limbic system is responsible for keeping us alive, problems can arise when it’s in the driver’s seat for too long:

“When people are in the grip of fear, anxiety or depression, or chronic stress, they are unable to make realistic assessment[s] of situations,” writes Dave Gray, an author and visual thinking coach. “The prefrontal cortex goes ‘offline.’ Creative thinking and innovation, indeed, all higher-level brain functions, are stifled.”

So, how do we find mental balance?

If the limbic system is the brain’s accelerator, the prefrontal cortex is like the brakes — helping us slow down, assess the situation, and respond to our emotions appropriately.

Learning how to hit the brakes is the premise of emotional regulation, or the ability to control how we respond to our feelings — and an important step toward our personal growth and wellbeing.

The art of emotional agility

No one is born with the ability to self-regulate. We see this with babies who can’t fall asleep without being rocked, and toddler meltdowns in the grocery store checkout line. Children communicate through emotions.

By the time we’re school-aged, most of us have learned how to temper our emotional responses to difficult situations, whether through positive thinking or distraction.

We learn that we can control our emotions, and they don’t control us — a critical facet of our wellbeing. In fact, emotional regulation is a vital part of maturing socially and an important pillar of mental health.

But there’s a difference between merely moving past our emotions and actually managing them. While emotional regulation focuses on preventing a negative response, emotional management can help us leverage emotions for personal and professional growth.

Harvard Medical School professor and psychologist Susan David calls the practice of managing our emotions by mindfully engaging with them “emotional agility:”

“Whereas positive thinking and avoidance have overemphasized the role of our thoughts, emotional agility is a skill set that builds on our ability to face our emotions, label them, understand them and then choose to move forward deliberately,” David writes.

“It is the ability to recognize when you’re feeling stressed, be able to step out of your stress, and then decide how to act in a way that is congruent with your personal values and aligned with your goals.”

If emotional regulation is a science, then emotional agility is an art.

With the ability to strategically embrace and harness our emotions, we can grow in our creative, communication, and leadership abilities. As social scientist and author Joseph Grenny writes:

“The ability to recognize, own, and shape your own emotions is the master skill for deepening intimacy with loved ones, magnifying influence in the workplace, and amplifying our ability to turn ideas into results.”

How to practice emotional agility

1. Don’t hide from your emotions

Building a startup is inherently emotional.

Between the occasional disappointment of slow growth, the frustration of a bug in our software, or even simple office miscommunications, my tendency is often to move on, with a smile on my face. There are bigger things to worry about, and I want my team to see me as positive and resilient.

Isn’t that what good leaders do?

While staying calm in the face of adversity is part of managing a team, it’s not necessarily the best way to manage emotions. In fact, evidence shows I may be doing myself a disservice by wearing a grin when my pulse is speeding beneath the surface.

Burying emotions has an equally risky impact: When we avoid or numb how we feel, our emotions often come back magnified. One study shows that smokers who actively tried not to think about cigarettes ended up dreaming about cigarettes, which led them to smoke more.

Numbering our emotions can negatively affect our behavior, but more importantly, it can also limit our potential. To become truly resilient, we first have to experience our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to feel difficult things and experience life’s trials in order to grow stronger and wiser.

While it’s tempting to escape uncomfortable emotions by quickly moving on, distracting ourselves, or faking positivity, choosing to dig in and feel them can strengthen and stretch us:

“Unless we can process, navigate and be comfortable with the full range of our emotions, we won’t learn to be resilient,” writes David. “We must have some practice dealing with those emotions or we will be caught off guard. I believe the strong cultural focus on happiness and thinking positively is actually making us less resilient.”

Hiding from our emotions also disconnects us from ourselves. Difficult feelings mirror what we care about most in life, because “emotions like sadness, guilt, grief and anger are beacons for our values,” says David. For example, if you feel frustrated when a colleague arrives late for a meeting, you probably value respect and punctuality.

2. Tell a new story

While moving on to the next meeting or email during a moment of anger or disappointment seems like the simpler response, it can be more beneficial to reframe how we feel — to challenge the story our emotions are telling us.

When we view our emotions as “negative,” an escape attempt is inevitably around the corner. But reframing how we feel helps us to challenge and take ownership of our emotions

Beneath the surface of every feeling is a story. Think about it: in the face of a harsh and uninvited critique, you’re probably frustrated by your co-worker’s lack of tact, but look deeper, and you’re probably threatened by his comments because you wonder if you actually are incompetent.

Often, these stories represent core beliefs that took root much earlier in life.

To manage the emotions that surface in the heat of the moment, Joseph Grenny recommends exploring your “primal story.” For example, if you feel ashamed when a colleague criticizes you, try to trace back the origin feeling or experience.

When was the first time you felt ashamed of yourself?

As long as we believe these “primal stories” to be true, Grenny says we’re doomed to be victims of our emotions, which leaves us feeling out of control.

But understanding your origin story is the first step to challenging the emotion that comes from it:

“I’ve become aware of the primal origin of the stories I tell — and learned to challenge the perception that my safety and worth are at risk in these moments,” writes Grenny.

3. Build your emotional vocabulary

Managing our emotions also means simply identifying them. A big emotion without a name can feel overwhelming and unending. But naming our emotions empowers us to be realistic about their impact and find a solution.

Psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett says misinterpreting our emotions can cause us to respond inappropriately — and that’s easy to do, since many emotional sensations feel similar.

Rather than describing yourself as sad, which feels vague, try labeling your emotion as “dejected” or “disappointed.”

Feldman Barrett refers to this specificity as “emotional granularity,” which can help us more deeply understand our circumstances, or reframe negative emotions to feel less threatening. For example, realizing that you’re disappointed by an investor’s reaction to your presentation probably feels more manageable than a vague sense of sadness.

Hitting the brakes to accelerate growth

Reframing and naming emotions may not be an escape route for everything we feel, but that’s not the goal in the first place. By skipping past the difficulties our emotions can bring, we miss important opportunities to grow.

The aim of emotional agility is to manage, and even leverage, emotions to move forward in our work and our relationships. Because when we can hit the brakes on the emotions that hold us back, we can begin to accelerate toward the things we want the most.

Courtesy: Medium.com